Life Above Reproach

My name is Manuel Theodore Castanon.  I am writing to you to tell you how I went from being a gang member, a drinker, and drug user to taking the Lord into my heart.  My story started when I was 10 years old when I thought I had everything.  My family and I did everything together; we went to parks, movies, and had dinners together. I was so happy with all of that stuff.  But something was wrong.  My mother was always gone.  Sometimes she said that she was at my grandmother’s house.  So one day I went to my grandmother’s house and saw my mother with another man that was not my father.  I was so afraid of what my father would do to my mother.

My mother left us and we were so hurt.  But my father was also gone all the time with work or church.  So I was always alone.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t totally alone as I had family at home like my uncle, aunt, and grandma.  At the time, I thought it was good because they let me do whatever I wanted to do.  They had their own family to take care of and they were always drinking.

So when I was in the streets, I was hanging with my friends that lived down the hill from my home.  They were gang members, but they showed me so much love.  This was the love I was missing from my family, so I did everything to keep that love.  So I got jumped into the gang and did everything they did—getting into fights, writing on the walls, and shooting at my enemy.  I did not care who I was shooting at.  I did all this for someone to love me.  At the same time, I had so much hate and anger inside for not being loved or cared for.  So I hid my pain from everybody.  By doing drugs and drinking alcohol, I got so bad that I would drink with my family to try to get their love back.  All this was before I was 16 years old.  I was so out of control that I had too much pride to ask for help.  One day, I was so angry with everything that I murdered a kid that was one year younger than me.  At first I thought it was for the gang, but it was because I had so much hate in my heart.  I still did not care when I got 18 to life.  I thought, “So what, I can do the time.”

One day I was thinking about my family and how much I missed them.  You know how God works and puts someone into your life?  That’s what happened.  I started talking to God and feeling happy, but my pride still was getting in my way.  Then one day I picked up the Bible and started reading it, taking the word into my heart and feeling the love of my Lord to the point that I started crying to myself.

I wanted to get closer to my Lord so I was baptized.  For the first time in my life, I could feel the love in my heart.  Now, I have pride for God and I do not care what people say about me.  All I have to do is believe in Him and all things will be good in my life.  It took me 24 years to find God, but God found me and helped me with my family.  I have the love I’ve been looking for and with the Lord and my family.  I will be home one day with them.  All I ask is do right by your family and tell them how you feel.  Do not keep it in because all you will get and have is hate in your heart.  Just ask God for help and pray about what is wrong.  He hears everything.

So keep me in your prayers and I will keep you in mine.  This is from someone that cares and loves you.

Sincerely,

Manuel Theodore Castanon Jr.