ONE

I WAS BORN in a small providence in the nation of Mexico, in the state of Zacatecas.  My childhood and youth was surrounded with violence, alcohol, ignorance, and plenty of superstitious beliefs.  From a very young age, I was exposed to see these activities as basic matters.

I WAS CONDITIONED and reared up with the “SUVIVAL OF THE FITTEST” mentality.  There was nothing wrong with it.  The strong made a living from the weak, and the wise became rich exploiting the fool.  There was nothing wrong with it.  It was only business.  That was people’s motto.

WHEN I WAS about thirteen years old, my mom passed away.  I was reared up in the Catholic religion because that was the only one acceptable in our providence.  I remember that on every house’s door there was a sign posted saying:  THIS IS A CATHOLIC FAMILY PLEASE DO NOT BRING ANY OTHER RELIGION.  The doctrine I was taught was very confusing.  People could pray to their favorite saint, and that saint could intercede with God in heaven concerning the petition.  The virgin Guadalupe, saint Paul, saint Peter, saint Jude, saint Diego, el santo niño de atocha, the archangel Michael, the angel Rafael, and the list is endless of all the saints available to intercede with God for us.  Also, there were many charms which could be bought to keep one safe from going to hell.  Some of these charms one could keep on their person or leave it at home to protect the house and the belongings from evil spirits who could curse or steal the house and its belongings.  There were medallions, scapulars, effigies, and sculptures from small size to king size.  We set aside nine days out of the year to pray the rosary every night for the souls who were detained in purgatory.  With our intercession, we could deliver them from purgatory and send them to heaven with God.  Also, paying indulgences was another way to free some one’s soul from purgatory.  Of course that was something that only rich folks could afford.

AFTER MY MOM passed away, I became very angry with God because He took my mom.  She was my greatest support and I needed her very much.  But my cry was not heard up in heaven, God keep silent and ignored me.  My family and my friends did not have the answers of why my mom had to die.

I BEGAN TO drink when I was thirteen years old, right after my mom died.  The reason I did it was because I wanted to numb what I felt.  I wanted to get rid of my fears.  In the beginning, I did not like the taste of alcohol; what I liked was the effect.  I liked the feelings of overcoming my fears, my personal issues, and woes.  It did not take long before I was an alcoholic.

FROM THE AGE of thirteen years to seventeen, I became very violent and destructive.  I became the terror, shame, and grief of my family.  I had so much rage and hatred within.  I blamed everybody because they did not understand me and God did not care about it.  Deep within I wanted to die.  I could not kill myself because if I killed myself it would bring dishonor to the family name.  I could not taint the macho image that is so important in my culture.  To do something like that was not acceptable by no means.

WHEN I WAS SEVENTEEN years old, I came to the United States of America and resided around the L. A. area.  I worked in whatever was available spending most of what I earned on alcohol and wasteful living.  At the age of twenty-one I met a nice girl and after a few months of dating, we were married.  She was not aware that I was an alcoholic because while we were dating, I concealed it from her.  But once we were married I was exposed for who I really was.  My marriage did not last more than two years.  Before she left me, she gave me the option to seek professional help and she would stay.  I refused because I did not think I had any problem; she was the problem.  If she was not willing to accept me for who I was then she was not the girl for me.

AFTER I WAS divorced, I continued with the same life style.  I was going to work but sometimes missing work because of the hangovers.  I had one child from my marriage and my son lived with her.  I was paying child support and barely making my rent month after month.  Sometimes I had to leave a job because I could not work because of my hangover.  I was also beginning to experience long periods of memory loss and black outs while drinking.  I was fired once because I presented myself drunk to work.  I remember having hallucinations one time or another while drinking, but other times black outs or memory loss.  I was arrested under the influence of alcohol three times.  I had an accident in which I almost lost my right arm.  I lost friends because they were afraid to be around me when I was drunk.

IT WAS IN 1998 when I met a girl at work who had been married once and had a failed marriage because her husband was an alcoholic and serving time in prison.  When she divorced him, we started to date; and soon after a few months, we were living together.  She had a child from her first marriage.  We lived together for some years and had plans to marry, but that never happened.  I got drunk and when I woke up I found myself under arrest from an attempt to murder.  I had no recollection of how it happened.  I was taken to trial, found guilty as charged, and because of special circumstances, I was given a life sentence.  There I was at the bottom.  I could not get any lower.  I had ruined two relationships.  I had finally come to the end of the rope.

I WAS IN the county fighting my case for almost three years.  During the time I was there, I heard some inmates talking about the Catholic religion and I was very upset because they were offending the religion of my ancestors.  Besides that, I considered myself one.  Maybe not a very good one but still.  I heard about the idols that Catholics worshipped and I did not even know what an idol was.

ONE TIME A Christian came from the streets and he gave me a tract where it talked about God’s love.  I read the tract while no one was watching.  Later on I asked for a new testament and read it while everyone around me was sleeping.  There was a portion of Scripture that disturbed me deeply and did not like it.  This portion of Scripture is on the book of Romans chapter 3:16-17 where it says:  “Destruction and misery are in their ways:  And the way of peace they have not known.”  In that list or category…I was there.  I was the one that wherever I went I was bringing with me destruction and misery.  How many people had I destroyed in my way?  I was charged with the crime committed to one person, but I was guilty of causing destruction to many other victims that the judicial system did not know about.  I also was the one who “The way of peace had not known!”  Every time when I was reading the New Testament and had to pass through the book of Romans, I was disturbed and wanted to jump this portion of Scripture.

I USED TO sleep most of the day and get up at night.  This was because it was the time when it was quiet.  I had gotten a whole Bible with the Old and New Testament and I continued reading when it was quiet. I did not want people around me seeing me reading the Bible.  As I read the Old Testament, I read about the stories of idols, how God detested the idols, and how much judgment was brought to the nation of Israel because of their idolatry.  I remembered that I had a crucifix hanging from my neck and I went to the toilet and flushed it.

MANY MEMORIES FROM MY childhood and youth came to mind.  Then it was plain to me that the religion that I grew up with was contrary to what the Word of God said.  I kept reading night after night and about three months later while I was going through the book of Isaiah chapter 53:1-8, I could not stand it any longer…  No one needed to tell me that the person who was stricken, despised, rejected, smitten and afflicted was Jesus.  I broke down and my heart ached because my suffering could never be compared with HIS!  And besides I was guilty and He was guiltless, I was sinful and He was sinless, He was holy and pure and I was filthy, corrupt and in the light of what was written in God’s Holy Words I deserved hell.  Not only God’s Words condemned me, but my conscience and my heart were my witnesses against me.  I had never seen myself as filthy and so unworthy as I felt there at that moment.  Memories were flooding my mind of so many evil deeds I had done since my childhood.

BUT THE MOST amazing feeling or revelation which no man revealed to me was that I knew in my heart that Jesus had suffered so much for me!  I could feel that in my spirit!  That night I received the Lord Jesus as my personal Savior and Lord of my life.  I spend hours on my knees crying and confessing my sins to Jesus because it broke my heart to know how much He had to suffer because of my sins.  I still remember with gladness and joy that after I stopped crying I was soaked in sweat.  When I got up on my feet, I felt as if a heavy burden had been taken off my shoulders!  I felt such a peace that for a moment I got scared!  I thought that I was going mad!  What was this?  What kind of peace was this that I had never experienced?

IT HAS BEEN over a decade ever since Jesus became the Lord of my life.  Today I am still in prison because I am reaping what I sowed.  My Lord had been found faithful time after time.  He has walked with me, He has done time in prison with me, and He has never given me more to carry than I can handle.  Today the Lord has set me free on the inside.  My body is confined to be behind these walls in prison, but my spirit and soul are free because the Lord has set me free and forgiven all my sins.  Today I can say with gladness as the prophet Jeremiah:  “This I recall to mind, therefore I hope.  It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fall not.  They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:21-23 and Psalm 118:17-18 says, “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.  The Lord hath chasten me sore; but he hath not given me unto death.”

TODAY I LIVE a life that is a contrast to the way I used to live.  I am surrounded with a peace that surpasses all understanding thanks to the grace of the Lord who loved me so much and gave Himself for me.  I do not take for granted all that He has done for me.  Also I do not take lightly what I did when I was lost without God and without hope in this world.  I know that my salvation was free…but it was not cheap, it was paid with God’s own blood.  The Word of God says in the book of Romans chapter 6:21 “What fruit did you have in the things of which you                                                                 are now ashamed?”

TODAY I AM very ashamed of the life I lived without Christ.  It grieves my heart so much to know that I have caused so much suffering to so many persons who are made in the image of God Himself.  But I know that His Word says that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.

NOW I CAN say just like the King Nebuchadnezzar in the book of the prophet Daniel when he said:  “And at the end of the time, I Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my understanding returned to me; and I blessed the Most High and praised and honored Him who lives forever: for His dominion is an everlasting dominion, and His kingdom is from generation to generation.  Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, all of whose works are truth, and His ways justice.  And those who walk in pride He is able to put down.  (Daniel 4:34, 37)

I AM VERY pleased with the program: LIFE ABOVE APPROACH because I was able to share with other people and brothers who are striving to excel in knowledge and wisdom.  I learned from my peers and brothers in Christ through their sharing from different parts of the New Testament some hidden treasures which I had not seen before.  Reading book after book, chapter after chapter, and verse after verse navigating through the New Testament, we shared our common faith and goals.  We also rejoiced because the covenant of grace that we have now is a greater blessing than the covenant the nation of Israel had in the Old Testament.

WE SHARED book after book getting those nuggets that fed our spirit and refreshed our souls.  It was enlightening to see how the Lord through His Word and His Spirit can give us joy, strength, hope, understanding, wisdom, and dissipates the gloominess that sometimes the prince of this world entangles us with.

ONE OF THE most beautiful verses that I liked were found in the Gospel of Matthew in chapter 11:28-30 where it reads:   “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  I was very blessed when I read again in the book of the gospel of Matthew, where it says:  “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.”  And I felt so blessed when I read these promises that the King of kings and Lord of lords has written for us to rely and believe in them.  There is no one like the Outstanding, Majestic, and all glorious Jesus of the Bible, the Jesus in whom all treasures of wisdom are hidden in God.

I HAVE briefly given a short version of my testimony.  I, just like the apostle John, who wrote these words in the gospel of John 21:25:

“And there are also many other things which Jesus did (in my life), which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written.  Amen!”  Amen, Amen, and Amen!

*ALL GLORY PRAISE AND HONOR TO … JESUS!*

Sincerely,

Paulo R. G.