TESTIMONY

Alaren Frazier

            I have thought hard about you and your circumstance for a while now, up until this very letter.  I hope and pray that everything turns in your life for the better.  Remembering as far back as I can, when I was a child, I could not recognize nor understand the negative consequences I inherited by way of my wrong decision making, stemming from a childhood with so much pain, hurt, and suffering.  Let me explain. 

            I grew up in a home where my mother, four siblings, and I were physically and emotionally abused.  I learned new habits from such violence and criminality from my stepfather, neighbors, and family members via observation and being abused.  What started off with crying, throwing tantrums, yelling and fighting, only progressed to feelings of hurt, fear, anger, rage, and mischievousness.  To suppress these emotions at 12 years of age, I was influenced to smoke marijuana. Wanting to feel accepted, I tried it and justified my enjoyment of it with a false belief system of “it was just for fun.”  More false belief systems developed like, “it is okay to gang-bang,” “sex is permissible as is drinking alcohol,” and “selling drugs.” All of which I shamefully admit I practiced abundantly from my teenage years up to my incarceration at 26 years of age.

            Life got worse while I hid behind a mask portraying everything to be alright, but the truth was that I was failing in high school and found myself in juvenile hall.  Eventually I was told that “although you are a great athlete, you can’t play because of your behavior.” 

            Dropping out of school, I went forward thinking fast-money was the way of life.  So, I sold drugs, did robberies, burglaries, etc., while hurting my family, friends, community, and turning my back on God.  Fast forward to me being 26 years of age, I was arrested for 12 counts and having had previous strikes, the D.A. deal was 25-years-to-life.  Lying my way through the trial, I was found guilty by a jury while all along this so-called gangster was frightened and prideful to tell the truth and ask for a deal.  I ended up receiving 86-years-to-life.  Now you may be thinking, “Well, that cannot happen to me.  I am only facing 6 months, or I only did x, y, or z!”  I thought the same thing when I was 18. My cousin, while in county jail with me, received Life Without the Possibility of Parole and me, 6 months.  See, how could a good little boy or girl who grew up playing kid games, going to church, desiring good grades, a cheer leader or football player, tract runner, etc. end up in juvenile hall or life in prison?  How can feelings of love, joy, contentment, peace, compassion, forgiveness, happiness, hopefulness, and confidence, turn into pride, lust, dishonesty, manipulation, fearful, co-dependence or chemical dependency, etc.?  I could not have seen this coming!  Blinded by lies, I rejected true family love or love “period” in exchange for so-called homies who in reality did not care for me at all.

            One day God called me on March 21, 2010, and I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.  God has strengthened me through brothers and sisters in Christ who selflessly gave me the love I needed to accept my new life.  Today, I share the love with others that was planted within me through the Word, actions, and my behavior.  God gave me His power to overcome my bad ways and live a life that is pledged to give back to those I hurt and extend a hand to all who want help.  It has been ten years since I came to believe that change was possible and making that decision to let go and let God.  Now aware of my feelings, thoughts, actions, and negative consequences, I am better equipped with solutions to deal with issues today.  Everything I gave up (my destructive lifestyle) still exists around me.  However, I know better, so I do better, causing no harm and allowing no harm to be caused.

            Humility and honesty are the key in reaching out for help and being willing to accept the truth.  You can overcome your current circumstances and become more than you could ever imagine.

            God bless your life!  Now allow me to step aside.

Brother Alaren Frazier