Peter’s Testimony

Life Above Reproach

Growing up my family believed in God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.  I was taught about Christianity, but I never had a relationship with Jesus Christ.  I was raised without a father.  The neighborhood I grew up in was drug and gang infested.  I witnessed many instances of drug and gang violence as well as police abuse.  I had a lot of childhood traumas that formed core beliefs which separated me from God.  I looked up to my older brother and other cousins to be a father figure to me.  My brother and cousins were gang members.  They taught me what they believed in, ‘If someone hits you, you hit them back and that the police were out to kill us, hurt us or put us away.’  Also, that snitching is wrong and if you snitch, you will be killed.

Growing up in this type of environment, I began to believe everything I was told.  I felt the people I cared about would not lie to me and then witnessing these things happen made it true in my beliefs.  I did not know at that time it was the devil feeding me these lies.

My mother raised three children, and I was the youngest.  My mother worked nights leaving me home alone at night.  I felt alone, abandoned; hearing gun shots and sirens was normal to me.  When I was seven years old, I witnessed a man I knew lying in my front yard full of blood.  He was dead and there were people around him crying.  This scene frightened and scared me.

When I was 10 years old, my sister went to college and I again felt abandoned and alone.  My mother still worked nights.  I began to sneak out of the house to hang out with the fellas on the street.  Sometimes my brother and cousins would yell at me to go home.  This made me feel rejected and devalued.  The devil played on these emotions; and I began to be sneaky and deceitful.

When I was 12 years old, I got “jumped” into the gang and began to fill that void of being abandoned, rejected, and alone.  I became a hardcore gang member and was devoted to making a name for myself.  I put on this mask and began to do evil things to feel accepted, acknowledged, and approved of; but behind that mask, I was a scared lonely child.

I became the lost sheep in Jesus’ parable.  I was a sinner and worked for the devil.  I terrorized my community and hurt my loved ones. I was full of pain.  When I was 15 years old, I had already been in and out of juvenile halls, had been shot twice on two different occasions, and all that was in my mind was revenge.

In 1990 I shot two people, killing one on the behalf of my street gang and my beliefs.  I was convicted and sentenced to life.  I was 16 years old confused, angry, and scared.  Coming to prison, all that I believed in was that I would die in prison.  It hurt too much to face what I had done.  So, I ran from it.  I was a coward and stuffed it away.  I numbed myself and continued to live a sinful life.  I was a destructive person.  I ended up in Pelican Bay SHU by myself again and I felt alone and abandoned.     On April 20, 2015, my mother passed away and I felt the worse pain a human being could feel.  I did not know what to do.  I felt alone.  So, I went to my knees and prayed for guidance.  I prayed for something.

Later that day, one of the fellas in my pod came to my door and gave me his condolence.  He also said to me, “You know what’s happening right now?”  He continued, “Jesus is knocking at your heart right now.”  I was taken back.  Later that day I prayed and gave my life to Jesus.  I felt the Holy Spirit a flame in my heart.  Tears were running down my face; and since that day, I never felt alone.

I told the fellas I was done with the gang lifestyle.  I began to study my bible and the doors began to open for me.  I was released out of SHU after seven years and transferred to GP mainline where I began attending church services, bible studies, and celebrating recovery like the program called “Life Above Reproach.”

I was a lost sheep, but Jesus came back for me. Now I am found, a child of God who loves and cherishes life.  I no longer fear abandonment and I no longer let the devil lie to me.  I live healthy, believe in Jesus Christ, and my beliefs are positive and productive.  I love Jesus Christ!

Peter Martinez