Armando V. Munoz

S.C.F. Ministries, Youth Ministry

If God Was Your Father…

If you could design a father, what would he be like?  My father died when I was four, so I never really had anyone I called father on this earth.  So this, for me, is a good question.  Now as I look back, I see how important it was to have had a father.  I saw other kids with fathers and they seemed happier.  Some had fathers who were there but did not seem to care about them so most of them ended up running into hard experiences like me.  I thought I did not need a dad.  My dad was abusive toward my mother; he used drugs, and ultimately abandoned me and my mom.  He left us to face the world and all the things of the world alone.

I always felt different like I did not belong anywhere.  I was missing something and I did not know what it was.  It felt like I had no identity.  When other kid’s parents who knew my dad would meet me they would say things like, “You look just like your dad.”  Or, “Your dad was a good man.”  I did not know what that meant because the last time I saw him he was beating and kicking my mom all over the place while she was screaming for help with no one to help.  I felt helpless, hopeless, and almost immediately began to disconnect from my mom and dad.  When I saw my dad in a casket I did not shed a single tear.

I felt that if my mom could not keep herself safe, how could she keep me safe?  I was young unprotected, abandoned, alone and rejected.  The perfect cocktail of life experiences to create a personality that is vulnerable to find alternative ways to gain acceptance, through negative activity, violence and escape.  Acceptance was the hardest.  Why?  Because I had all this baggage from the trauma I faced as a child.  I did not know how to deal with what I was feeling.  I was afraid, helpless, hopeless, and had to be a big boy and not cry like a little girl as I had been taught.  I had to be tough in a world where only the strong survive.  Where were the cops when all this happened?  Nowhere to be found.  Who could help?  Where could I turn?  I saw everyone as weak and unable to help.  No one could help so I had to help myself.  Who else could?  Who else would?  I began to see myself as I thought everyone else saw me, as worthless.  Who would treat me like that if they thought I was valuable?  I saw other people who were honored.  I thought they must have been worth something.  So I watched them.  They had money, cars, things, drugs, and influence.  People treated them with honor and respect.  I thought, “I want to be like that.”  I want to have value, respect, and honor.  What I did not realize was that these people were all like me inside.  They were wounded, broken and had little self-worth.  They were overcompensating on the outside for what they lacked on the inside.  They wanted the easy way out.  This road only ends in two places, prison or the grave.

After I came to prison, I realized I needed help.  Something was wrong, it did not turn out the way I thought it would in my mind.  For a while I did not care whether I died until death seemed eminent.  Then I realized I was going to a place of eternal torment which meant that I would never have another chance at anything.  I did not want to be in prison.  I did not want to be someone who people thought was worthless.  Now I did not want my own children to think that about me.  I cared what people thought about me and now what I had done felt like it was unbearable.  I was filled with guilt and shame.I could no longer hide it.  All the wretchedness that was in my heart had now been exposed before the entire world.  My most shameful acts were on display and part of public record for the whole world to see.  I had become my father’s son.

As a father I want my children to listen to me, to live honorable, with integrity, with love, and compassion.  How could I expect that when I have become absent and provided such a poor example of a father?I had no point of reference.  What I did not realize was that the Bible says that God is a father to the fatherless.  I qualified!  It does not matter if your father is absent, dead, or simply emotionally/psychologically checked out.  We are orphans and we qualify for God to be our father.  He said he would teach us as His children.  I found that God loves me.  He demonstrated it when He took on the form of human flesh and paid the price for our relationship to be restored.

You see, it is like credit.  With credit, we agree to pay for something with a signature and pay for it later with actual currency.  When we sin or commit crimes it is like we are signing our name to those acts and saying I will pay for that later.  What we fail to realize is that the price is death.  Therefore, because He loved us He paid the penalty for us so that we won’t have to.  Isn’t that what our parents are supposed to do while we are children and we cause damage, whether by accident or on purpose?  Our parents are sued to pay for the damages we caused.  So by God taking the initiative He immediately began taking the role as our father by taking responsibility for us.  This was His love in action.

Despite His taking responsibility for us, He will not force us into relationship with Him.  He waits for us to come home.  He waits until we realize we don’t belong in the land and lifestyle to which we have escaped.  He waits at the windows of heaven hoping that we will finally come to the realization that we are separated from Him and as long as we are, we are at risk of being lost forever.  He continues to show us His goodness.  He continues to give us air to breathe, a life to live, and keeps us from death.  All those times we thought we had close calls, it was Him.  He has been here all along trying to get our attention.  “Wake up! Wake up!”  He says, as we dismiss His warnings like a fly distracting us from what we want to do.  We are doing to Him what has been done to us by people who were supposed to love us.

I began to realize that He was there all along.  When I thought I was invincible because the bullet did not kill me, I realized it was God making sure my shooter was a bad shot.  When I was stabbed, it was God who made sure nothing vital was severed.  On both occasions, He made sure I had obtained adequate medical care so that I would not perish without Him.  As I begin to look back on my whole life, I realize He did this many times.  Yet, I also see He not only did it for me, but he did it because He loves you.  Who else would you listen to?  Someone who knows nothing of what you have to live day in and day out, or someone who has been there, right there, just like you?  You can deny it, but deep down inside you know it is true.  Now I see that God let me go through all this stuff so that I could reach out to you, and let me tell you, you are worth it!  In His infinite wisdom, He knew there would be a generation who would have their fathers’ abandon them and their mother neglect them or treat them indifferently who would need to hear the good news.  The good news is that there is a God who wants you.  He wants to love you, hold you, and share your life with you.  You were born to be a blessing.  You were born with a purpose.  You were born with a mission.  Your calling is worldwide.  You have all the resources of heaven at your disposal to fulfill it, but only if you accept it.  Sometimes you have to walk alone, but not without God.  He will never leave you nor forsake you.  You are already accepted.  You are already forgiven.  You are already loved.  You are hereby notified that God is calling you.  When you accept, you need to be retrained.  You have to learn new values.  You have to understand the ways of God.  You have to learn to trust His voice.  You have to follow Him alone, above all else.  Then you will be equipped, empowered, and commissioned to fulfill all He has called you to do.  Let God be your father… (John1:14)

When we hear these things, we find they are completely foreign to our own personal realities.  My dad checked out long before he died.  He was so far gone that I do not remember spending one good moment with him ever.  My dad was selfish, self-centered, a drug addict, abusive, violent… need I go on?  Ultimately, he was simply not around.  What was my example?  What kind of man would I be?  What kind of husband would I be?  What kind of father would I be?  Was I supposed to learn this stuff by instinct?

In the Bible, the father is who we follow.  Father is where we get our primary social, relational, spiritual, verbal, behavioral and other norms.  Therefore, when I see your attitude, demeanor, conduct and overall temperament, I can see the type of father you have had or have not had.

Jesus came preaching what He learned from His father, God.  When the Pharisees who claimed to be sons of Abraham encountered Jesus, they wanted to kill him.  Jesus began to tell them they were of their father the devil because they were plotting what he does, i.e., to kill, steal and destroy.

The reason we have a choice of who our father is, is because we can decide who we will follow.  We can decide what example we will follow.  You might say I have no father, but yet, you are following someone’s example.  Your behavior is learned.  Where did you learn it?

Our entire life is framed by our fathers whether present or absent.  The way we see things, life and people, the way we interpret what we see, the way we act or react to situations; these things are all filtered through our own experiences.  When we are caught up in the practice or lifestyle of sin, we are dead while we live.  We are cut off from God without relationship; we are blind, and in the dark.  We cannot see very far.  We have no goals, no vision, and no hope.  Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, and 20 years?

I still tried to be like my natural father and now I am caged.  But God, in His mercy, showed me He is all I ever needed.  You see, if we accept His son Jesus, He gives us the right to be His children and we enter a relationship with Him as our Father.

He is nothing like our earthly father.  He is awesome!  Through Him I have learned how to be a father to my own children.  I learned how to be a good husband to my wife.  I learned how to be a man not just a male.  He has never left me nor has He ever forsaken me.  He does not reject me.  I came to Him with my mess and He is walking me through it.  When life gets too hard He assures me I can handle it.  When life is scary, He is right there with me.  My Dad is awesome!  When your natural father checks out, God is there to carry you through.  He loves you so much.  Each day He watches over you, protects you, keeps you, and provides for you.  He smiles at you when those special moments of goodness come to you.  Maybe through the one special teacher, a friend’s mom, or a person who believes in you!  If nothing else, if you cannot see anyone or if you cannot see His loving hand reaching out to you, HERE I AM!  I am taking time out of my day to simply say I love you, each and every one of you.  I only want good things for you.

I wrote this with my hand because of His inspiration.  It will be mailed to my mom who will show you His love by bringing it to you so you can get this special message for you.  God loves you and I love you.  Accept Him as Father while you can, He is waiting for you.  Your destiny waits.  You will never regret it.