A Believer Finding Hope

By Robert Ong

My mother and father divorced before I was a year old.  At every age I felt alone, afraid, and empty.  My next memory is at 8 years old when stepfather’s abuse from beatings and burnings caused the court to give me a chance to live with my biological father.  We were both cautious and unfamiliar with sharing feelings.  Looking back, I think we were both afraid of feelings and never connected as father and son.

When I reached 13, I found that alcohol was a good way to numb the pain and forget about low self-esteem.  What a relief to blot out all my problems, even for a little while.  This became my need, my fix, and my protection; but like all addictions and temporary fixes, they only scab over the wounds that life always opens again.

Many years were spent trying to imitate others who I thought “had it together” so I could fit in and be accepted, but that never truly worked out.  My abuse of alcohol led to black outs and eventually to the crime that landed me in jail.  It was here that I realized I had no place to run, hide, or turn to.  This was my bottom.  This was also the turning point in my life.

It was there in jail at a Wednesday night prayer service that I heard God’s call of love and grace, and answered Him.  God blessed me and saved me that night.  Like the man whose life passed before Him when he was near death, I felt my need to repent of sins, believe in Jesus, and ask Him to come into my life as my Lord and Savior.  The peace and acceptance of Christ has been growing in me ever since.

I still struggle with old habits and hurts, but not as much and not in the same way.  God has provided me with the fellowship of Christian brothers, Christ-centered discipleship classes, His best prison Chaplin ever, and His most important blessing—His only Son!

God has taken on new meaning for me by showing me His nature, purpose, and the depth of His love for all of us who have sinned against Him.  I cannot help, but love Him.  I wish to be closer to Him and that is why I pray.

            “We have the idea that God is going to do some exceptional thing with us in the future.

              But as we grow in grace, we find that God is glorifying Himself here and now, at this

              very moment, even in ordinary days and ways of life.”  – Oswald Chambers