WHEN IS IT REALLY OVER?

 Testimony

By Ronnie Randon

            There was a time when choices were made for me; and then……I decided I wanted to make my own.

            You’re probably wondering from the title what this is about, “When Is it Really Over?”  Unpredictable ups and downs……no, societal pressures……no.  It is from the lasting effects of all my life choices starting at 14 years of age, running away from home and all the other unhealthy choices that ultimately ended with my committing first degree murder.  A life with no plan or purpose.

            I had painted a picture in my mind of the life I wanted.  Later, finding out life was not a written screen play that can be re-written when it doesn’t work out.

            In a previous testimony, titled “I Crossed Over,” I shared that during the most difficult times in my life  that I was full of resentments, bitterness, anger; and being completely broken, I cried out to God when something unexpected happened.  I began seeing signs of hope, and God was weaving my life into an amazing testimony of redemption and purpose out of the chaos I had forged my life into.  Mountain top experiences that left me wanting more, excited about the opportunities that would further unfold.

            I was involved with an outside church ministry and I began fellowshipping through visits, and later corresponding.  I believed God was directing me to become part of this church ministry once I am released from prison.  I also began conducting regular bible studies utilizing the church’s outlined bible study material.  I never imagined I could or would be used in such a way.  I also began using the gifts God blessed me with and began donating my paintings for annual fundraisers along with sharing my testimony of how God changed my life.

            Grace and forgiveness seemed to have changed everything, and I entered a relationship with a Christian woman.  Eventually we became engaged, and we both committed to taking steps we have never done, which is the Christian dating process with the pastor of the church.

            Unbeknownst to me, there was a storm seeping through the door of my past.  My past deeds became the center of attention; not how God has changed me through His grace and forgiveness or how I am no longer that man who committed first degree murder twenty-seven years ago.  I offered my testimony and agreed to answer any questions to her family.  It became evident they had no interest in knowing who I am today, but how could I have committed murder and expect them to accept me having a relationship with their sister and mother?

            I began losing sight of God through the storm and focused on what I should do.  I even questioned if I had placed my plans before God’s.  The truth has a way of being revealed, and I found myself wondering about the direction my life had taken.

            I have always stood on Romans 8:28, “In all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (NASB).  God, through my belief in His Son Jesus Christ, has and continues to be my anchor.  I know the effects of living apart from Him and His wisdom.  When is it really over?  I believe, when I hear the words, “Well Done!”