Life Above Reproach

James Hall

            My name is “Moiese” James.  I came from a small city in the Bay Area.  Mom and Pops divorced when I was less than two years old.  For the most part, I was raised by my grandparents with “part-time” co-parenting by my mother and father.  I’m 40 years old now and completing another four-year prison term to make three terms total. 

            Mom was a drug addict and almost killed me when I was 10 years old when she was in a drug- induced rage.  I was shipped off to a father I really didn’t know.  All I had was a stigma about him placed there by my mother and family. However, over the last 15+ years, I’ve come to learn a lot about who my father was and who he is today; and low and behold, we share a similar story…broken home and living a double life! 

            To my family I was normal…. school was descent, sports, and interests, etc., but I had different sets of “friends,” or so I thought some of them to be, until I learned the true definition of a friend.  My “close to home” friends were like me…quiet, church going, reserved, smart, full of potential.  This was who I allowed my family to see me with; and hence, I fooled them all as to who I was.  Now, I had the “darksiders” we’ll call them.  The “friends” I didn’t allow my family to know.  These were the “weed” smoking, knife and gun toting, womanizing, drug dealing, lost souls I ran with.  Now please bear in mind, I’m keeping this PG-13 for I do not wish to glorify any of this side of me other than my survival.  I’ve killed, hurt, and lost a lot!  Homes, relationships, cars, money, years of my life and in that, I lost out on my own children’s lives.  My hurt fueled my fire.  I lived a very suicidal lifestyle.  I’ve been shot, been beaten to the point of death, and still I rose again.  Only to become a stronger, meaner beast! 

            Now, don’t get it twisted.  I’m extremely intelligent and I possess a God-given talent.  I draw, paint, and tattoo.  From high school I was given an art scholarship.  I gave it a shot, but the lifestyle was calling me.  My intellect and the way I applied it to my lifestyle at the time made me feared I think, more than respected and fear is a dangerous thing.  The respect you think you are getting is a front for the fear…fear makes people do strange things.  It’s human nature to survive; and to do so, some will fake it or subjugate themselves in your face while plotting on you outside of your presence.  Fear will also hold people back from you.  It was a lonely life I lived. I trusted nobody, not even myself; and in that, I attempted to fill voids in my life that I had created.  I did this all the wrong, you see.  I built an empire and in doing so, I made a lot of enemies.  So, I said I’ve come close to losing my life on more than one occasion, only taking away from the situation the negative aspect of the lesson.  I’m far from perfect, and I am new at being a Christian. 

            Even now I stumble and wrestle with old attitudes.  I continue to give God a chance because even when I was lost, I had the thought that God is keeping me alive for something.  Temperance, this turmoil or rough time or bad situation you are in and/or have overcome, is to temper you, strengthen you for a purpose God has in store for you.  Hear me out now, I’m a control freak for real!  I’ve gotta do things my way.  Even now I still struggle with letting go.  But let me tell you this, there is no shortage of space at the cemetery, and you will soon be long forgotten.  Don’t believe me?  If  you are locked up right now and reading this, first write down all your friends names; and when you get done, write out the names of these who write you, accept your calls, put money on your books, check-up on your family, etc.  I can guarantee you that list just got “real” short!  Mine did too! 

            So, in short, here’s what I’ve got for you…some points that I hope you can practice and most of these can be found, if not all, in the Bible (Psalms and Proverbs).

• Never take advise from someone unproductive.
• Never discuss your issues with someone who can’t help you find a solution, instead look for those who succeed themselves!

And here is something I’ve read and use as a reminder:

            Happy moments?        Praise God     

            Difficult moments?    Seek God

            Quiet moments?         Worship God

            Painful moments?       Trust God

            Every moment?          Thank God for all things, because remember good or bad, He’s got a plan

                                                 for you.

            Fortify your life with the right friendships.