My Testimony

Sebastian Rodriguez

            Hello, my name is Sebastian Rodriguez.  I’m a believer in Christ who struggles with alcohol, drugs, and denial.  I took my first drink at the age of 12 years old.

            At the age of 14, I started drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana.  To my knowledge it wasn’t a bad thing since it made me feel confident and secure about myself, plus I felt cool.  And who doesn’t want to feel cool?  When I started drinking, I felt acceptance from my peers for they were always encouraging me to drink more and more.  I thought it was fun and I wasn’t hurting anyone, so why not?  This continued for ten years of doing the same old stuff, expecting different results each time.  This was insane to drink almost every day for ten years!  To think that all was gravy and that I didn’t have a problem.  How crazy, right?  Some of the stupid stuff I did, I didn’t even want to do.  Yet, I still did it.  So, I would not look bad in front of my “so-called” friends.

            Growing up, I really didn’t have a relationship with God; however, I was in a youth group when I was in the 6^th or 7^th grade.  These times were good.  I was having fun going to church.  Then things changed, I started hanging around with the wrong crowd.  The people I thought were cool.  I acted out and protected my new friends, saying they were good people.  My mother knew from the gate how they were!  My behavior got out of control.  When I was invited to go to church with my older brother, I would say that if I went God would burn me in hell.  This is how bad I was acting.  My bad behavior excited me, and I was having fun at the time.  This attitude I had towards others, effected my personality.  I was a hypocrite in so many ways.  I cared more about what others thought than what I thought of myself.  I knew that I was this insecure kid that needed others approval.  I needed to be wanted.  I sought out to please others while also injuring others in the process.  My life had gotten out of control, even though there were signs of destruction.  I failed to see them.  Since the day I got my first car, I risked countless lives when I would get behind the wheel while drinking.  I continued to risk many lives, until I finally wrecked and killed someone.

            This is when I realized that my drinking had become so out of control and I needed help.  And I couldn’t do it by myself anymore.  I got tired of hurting people around me.  Things had to change, I had to change and so I decided to seek help.  This is when I got into recovery.  At first, I stopped drinking and using; yet sober, I was still acting out in the same behavior as when I was drinking.  It was not until I got into knowing the 12-steps, did I start to understand where I went wrong and why. 

            I started to believe in a higher power greater than myself that could restore my life.  I started to believe in Jesus to give me the strength to do the things I couldn’t do myself.  He has also helped me stay away from all the negative B.S. that goes around in here.  Wanting to do good has become my number one priority for me.  Having a relationship between me and Christ brings peace of mind and that sense of feeling that I am not alone.  I make better choices now that I’m in recovery.  I want to do better.  And I couldn’t have done it without the help of my higher power.  Working the program helps me identify my hurts, habits, and hang-ups.  It also gave me the strength to share with others what I went through in my addiction.  Step 3 has brought me closer to God.  Asking Him for the strength to do His will and not mine, one day at a time.  For so many years I tried to do things on my own, and I failed to do what is right. 

            I’m now practicing what I’ve learned in this program.  I’m compassionate toward others and I listen, not only hear them.  I’m more understanding and forgiving toward others.  We all have problems.  I actually “feel” now.  I have a loving heart toward all people.  Today I’m sober, and I don’t plan on using or drinking alcohol again.  I know if I go back to those behaviors, people will get hurt and I will damage things.

            I’ve learned in my recovery that we need to give back to all those who still suffer from their addiction.  It is said that we must not hold it in.  We must give it away.  We need to let go and let God do His will in us.  The road to recovery is not meant to be traveled alone.  We will have our opportunities to share our experiences and victories with others to give them hope.  Encouraging them that if they stick to the program, it works if they work.  You get what you put into it.  Recovery doesn’t just happen overnight or in a day.  It is a lifestyle.  A long-time process that grows and grows.  We need to keep working it so we can help others in the process.  We’ve hurt so much in our lives.  It’s time to heal and move forward.  I’m not perfect, however, I’m not the same person I was before.  Thanks to the program of recovery.  I love to share and I want to be a better man.  Thank you for your time.