Fitting In

By Hilario N. Torres

Sometimes I remember back to when I was in junior high school and was sort of a loner in school.  I had a couple of friends; but overall, I was rarely paid any mind by the “cool” kids.  I guess a chubby pimply-faced kid was not too cool to hang around with.  So, I started to do things to get attention.  I started hanging-out with the troublemakers because it seemed they were cool and accepted me and they did not care what I looked and dressed like.

Growing up, I would go to church with my parents; but as I got older, I drifted away from church gatherings altogether.  The girls in school, to my surprise, even noticed my new behavior, or should I say my misbehavior.  I was finally getting noticed even though I knew my actions were wrong from being raised learning about Jesus.  So, I developed somewhat of a guilty conscience over time from fighting with other kids to taking things that did not belong to me.

Inside, I was never happy with my change.  I was afraid inside; afraid of what people were going to think of me. I wondered if they truly accepted me for who I was or was it because of who I hung out with.  I ended up in juvenile hall for my troubles and found myself all alone.  I soon realized that my family were the only ones who really cared about me, and in time those so-called ‘homeboys’ I would hang with had forgotten about me.

I was sentenced to a lengthy term and found myself on a journey that I would have to grow up and take alone.  At first it seemed bleak; and I was lonely, as lonely as I had ever felt.

This is the trouble that came to me for trying to be someone I was not.  I was all alone and far away from home and my family.  My time dragged on and I did not know how I would make it through all this; but like someone once told me, tomorrow will bring better times.

Being in a cell 23 hours a day, only being let out to either shower or stretch my legs, I realized only one book gave me something to look forward to.  A chaplain came by my cell one day to see if I needed anything.  He gave me a bible and told me not only to read it, but to think about what I was reading.  Reading about Jesus’ life and all He went through and all He suffered made me see my time behind these walls differently.  I started to see my future in a new light.  I know now that tomorrow will indeed bring us better days.

I sometimes cannot believe it myself that I have been here so long.  It is a big difference now from when I came in as a 17-year-old scared kid.  I have hope for the future now.  Maybe I will get to go home someday; I must keep my chin up.  My future is unsure, but I know I have peace within me.  Reading the bible gave me that calm tranquility I so desperately needed in my life.

I know I left a lot out of this story.  I just really wanted you to know that tomorrow is a new day and I know I want to see what it brings me.  Maybe giving God that chance can do the same for you.

Thank you!