Life   Above   Reproach

Genesis 1:1 stated: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”  Many would say this is a funny way to begin an essay, but in all actuality, today is a new beginning for me as a man of faith. To share with you a brief history about myself, I have been a man of the streets for almost all of my life. What does this mean? I started out stealing from stores, breaking into homes; including but not limited to, stealing from friends I grew up with. I stole cars, sold drugs, carried guns, and even killed a man while trying to kill another one. I grew up in the streets, and learned to follow the street code of false honor. I broke the laws of man, but most of all the Spiritual laws of God.

As a young man, I came to value life less and less by the choices I made. I felt as if I was put on this earth to be abused and treated like a dog by others. I did not feel loved by my family or anyone for that matter. I looked to the streets for approval of myself. I had no value on my life, which did not allow me to have value for anyone else’s life. I have never known a real relationship. Not even what it feels like to have true unconditional love from another person. My joy and happiness in life came at the expense of others because in gaining my joy, I committed crimes against others in my community.

In taking this self-help program, ‘Life Above Reproach’, I have come to see so much about my very own life that was not as clear as I may have wished it to be. I came to learn that the relationship I had with God was never gone, but right there the whole time. As a young man, I felt like God did not like me, so in my mind it was O.K. to hate Him right back. I grew up doing just that, and God allowed me to make my own path. I choose the path away from God’s love and guidance.

If you look at the Apostle Paul, look at his life from the beginning. Paul resisted the Holy Spirit (Acts 7:51). In Acts 8:1-3, Paul persecuted the people of faith in the church. I was once like Paul. I saw the church as a place of judgment of what I had become and what I did not have. I was a lost soul and instead of looking at them to guide me back into God’s loving embrace, I choose to see them as part of the problems I was having. So I would persecute them with my words and actions. Now if you look at Acts 9:1-21, Paul was in such a dark place that God took away his sight, so that Paul could see clearly. Yes, I know it sounds funny to hear it that way; but when God entered Paul’s mind, He spoke to his heart. God then sent a man to heal Paul so that he could see again. Sometimes when we look at the world, we only see the way we want the world to be instead of the way God sees the world.

Today when I see the world and the people in it, I first have to look at the man I am. I have to look at my defects and spiritual shortcomings, if you will. Am I living my life according to God’s will? John 3:16 states: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” How many of us really take the time to think about such a sacrifice? I know for me, I did not until a short time ago. How many times have I sacrificed anything for anyone? Not many I know. I love my children with all my heart, but did I sacrifice the streets to be a father to them? NO!!  If I had done so, they would have had their father in their life the whole time. I was too busy trying to be a part of the world. John 15:18-19 says: “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of this world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefor the world hates you”. I choose to be a part of this world, and in doing so, I produced hate in it while receiving that same form of hate. There is an old saying my grandfather use to say to me, “you get out of life what you put into your life.” I chose the streets as my way of life, and prison and death was the outcome of such a choice. I have spent 24+ years in prison and I am only 47. My oldest child is 26 years old.

When you look at the group’s name, ‘Life Above Reproach’, you have to look at your life in its entirety. When you do so, you have to begin to be honest with who you were, who you are, and who you hope to become. Once you do so, you begin to understand how you can learn from your past. Then you begin to fix and grow as a man—a man of true faith. You have to look at man’s laws versus God’s laws and His love because God willingly gave His Son for my sins, your sins, and the whole world’s sins.

There is so much I want to say; and if allowed, I will keep writing your group. Until then, may God bless you all as He has blessed and touched my heart. God bless you all!!

Javion P.  July 1, 2014