My Testimony

By Heriberto Arevalo

Greetings!         

If you’re reading or hearing this letter right now… you are a lot better than me at your age because when I was a youth, I thought I had it all figured out.  No one could tell me anything!  I wasn’t listening, not even to that inner voice within myself trying to steer me clear of the path that would eventually lead to heartache and destruction.

I have been incarcerated since the age of 18 for killing a man and injuring two others.  I say this with shame and regret because 21 years later, I now understand the damage that my actions have caused.

When I asked if I wanted to write a letter to “at risk youth,” I was immediately on board!  Instantly there were some thoughts that came into focus; I thought, “Well, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t like to be referred to as “at risk youth.”  The second thing that came to mind was a flood of memories of young me trying to find acceptance and since the age of 13, I surrounded myself with the people I called my “homies.”  I found comfort and a false sense of belonging by becoming part of a gang.  

Looking back on those days I realize that I did a lot of things… committed crimes and acted against my better judgment all to fit in and to prove myself worthy.  I thought that I really knew the guys I was hanging around with, but the truth was they were all strangers to me.  We never spoke about family or spiritual and personal beliefs.  Nor did we ask one another, “What’s broken about you, how did you end up here?”  We spoke the language of “violence” and that is the only thing that mattered to our young selves.

I spent many days locked away in juvenile hall, convincing myself that I loved it there as if it was my home.  These are some of the lies I told myself.  Meanwhile back in my real home where my family was constantly worried, and uncertainty consumed their every thought all because of my youthful selfishness.  

You see, I denied myself the opportunity to simply be a child, but the mask I had put on would sag down during moments of despair and reveal the hurt soul that was within.  I’ve always believed in God, His presence being all around me, and even speaking to me… yeah, “speaking to me!”  That inner voice that’s very faint and can only be heard if you have the willingness to listen… that is the voice of God.

I had a moment after being thrown inside that very familiar juvenile hall room, when I let my guard down knowing that it was only me and my Creator there, and I cried out to Him with tears running down my face.  In that moment that silent cry for help that I had been holding on to finally found a voice, reaching out to the only person who I thought would understand me. Unfortunately, that moment of clarity was short-lived.  Soon I was back to wearing my gang attire, mask, and attitude that went with it.

My message to you is very simple.  I want to encourage you to reflect on that quiet whisper within you during moments of solitude.  Acknowledge that presence even if you are not yet ready to call it God.

Also, I don’t need to be in that room with you right now (wherever that may be) to know that there are smart minds on the receiving end of this message – you!  Knowing this to be a fact, I want you to be honest with yourselves and start questioning all those beliefs that are being ingrained in you, scattered throughout your mind, and making you unfruitful.  Sprouting only thorns that—are harming yourselves and others, especially the people dearest to you.

Don’t wait until you’re 21 years into a prison sentence to realize that you should have gone the other way.  God bless you and may He be the one to direct your path.